Would it be cheap of me to mention pee and farts in the title?
February 14th 2007 02:58
If there is one thing I hate, is feeling like a damsel in distress. I just feel that as a woman of today, I should be able to handle certain situations myself. I should be able to check my tire pressure, and change my tampon all at the same time. Bring home the bacon, and make my husband cook it.
M dad has taught me and my sisters pretty well, and I've picked a bit on my own. Never do I want to have to depend on a penis weilder if I don't have to. Especially a strange penis wielder, it's hard to explain the smell of urine while you're shopping at Wal mart. "Sorry I needed a jump, and then some guy pissed on me to show his dominance." I've learned basic car maintenance, and I can even diagnose a problem for other people and sometimes be right.
I was feeling all proud of myself because I got bored with playing Sims, and felt a little tired, but instead of taking a nap, which would have been perfectly acceptable on this snowed in day, I decided to go to the gym. Jonny and Tony were both asleep, and Aislinn the girl who never sleeps, even when she DOES sleep, becausse she says UH UH I WAS NOT SLEEPING! when you point out how cute her snores are, was watching Dumbo (and HELLO how fucking racist are those crows on Dumbo?) I jumped in the van, and carefully maneuvered my way to the gym. We had canceled schools and everything because of the snow (we found out school was cancelled when Aislinn GOT to school) but, damn it! I was going to BRAVE IT ALL and go work out. Ok that's an exaggeration, because I had gone to Target earlier in the day to shop. But, you get the picture.
I get there, and I run to the door, and I got on the eliptical machine, and I cranked that fucker up to level three and I run baby. I'm running like Forest. I forgot to switch bras (which is better than NOT wearing a bra right Teri?) so not only was I running, I was bouncing. Also I was weraring this weird shirt, that was kind of too big, and so you could almost see my sweaty cleavage. So I was running, and boucing, and sweating, and watching Oprah and feeling GOOD bitches. Yeah!
I get out to the van, and I start to back up. The lot of course hasn't been snow plowed, but hey, who the fuck cares?!?! I got a VAN baby! It can truck me anywhere. Or, so I thought. I back up, and my tires get stuck. No problem, my dad taught me how to fix that. You gotta ROCK that shit. So, I did. Still spinning. Ok, well I'm going pull out this other way. Pull out, and still spinning. Tried to rock it again, and nothing! Now, I'm getting panicked, becuase I know what that means. This means, I have to get some testosterone involved. It shouldn't be TOO bad since I worked out, and I needed to shower anyway. Plus the gym is right down the street from my house, so if I get pissed on, it shouldn't be a big deal.
I decide to give it a go one more time on my own, with no luck. Next thing I know I got this guy coming over to help me out. He get's me out of my pickle with that whole "I'm here to save you little lady" attitude. But, I got back at him. Uh huh. He couldn't piss on me because right before he got to the window, I let out a most odorifous emination. Working out gives me gas, what can I say? This one I had been holding in for awhile. When he walked up to the window, I swear a green cloud enshrouded his face. He took a STEP back I swear it.
I told you my dad taught me well.
M dad has taught me and my sisters pretty well, and I've picked a bit on my own. Never do I want to have to depend on a penis weilder if I don't have to. Especially a strange penis wielder, it's hard to explain the smell of urine while you're shopping at Wal mart. "Sorry I needed a jump, and then some guy pissed on me to show his dominance." I've learned basic car maintenance, and I can even diagnose a problem for other people and sometimes be right.
I was feeling all proud of myself because I got bored with playing Sims, and felt a little tired, but instead of taking a nap, which would have been perfectly acceptable on this snowed in day, I decided to go to the gym. Jonny and Tony were both asleep, and Aislinn the girl who never sleeps, even when she DOES sleep, becausse she says UH UH I WAS NOT SLEEPING! when you point out how cute her snores are, was watching Dumbo (and HELLO how fucking racist are those crows on Dumbo?) I jumped in the van, and carefully maneuvered my way to the gym. We had canceled schools and everything because of the snow (we found out school was cancelled when Aislinn GOT to school) but, damn it! I was going to BRAVE IT ALL and go work out. Ok that's an exaggeration, because I had gone to Target earlier in the day to shop. But, you get the picture.
I get there, and I run to the door, and I got on the eliptical machine, and I cranked that fucker up to level three and I run baby. I'm running like Forest. I forgot to switch bras (which is better than NOT wearing a bra right Teri?) so not only was I running, I was bouncing. Also I was weraring this weird shirt, that was kind of too big, and so you could almost see my sweaty cleavage. So I was running, and boucing, and sweating, and watching Oprah and feeling GOOD bitches. Yeah!
I get out to the van, and I start to back up. The lot of course hasn't been snow plowed, but hey, who the fuck cares?!?! I got a VAN baby! It can truck me anywhere. Or, so I thought. I back up, and my tires get stuck. No problem, my dad taught me how to fix that. You gotta ROCK that shit. So, I did. Still spinning. Ok, well I'm going pull out this other way. Pull out, and still spinning. Tried to rock it again, and nothing! Now, I'm getting panicked, becuase I know what that means. This means, I have to get some testosterone involved. It shouldn't be TOO bad since I worked out, and I needed to shower anyway. Plus the gym is right down the street from my house, so if I get pissed on, it shouldn't be a big deal.
I decide to give it a go one more time on my own, with no luck. Next thing I know I got this guy coming over to help me out. He get's me out of my pickle with that whole "I'm here to save you little lady" attitude. But, I got back at him. Uh huh. He couldn't piss on me because right before he got to the window, I let out a most odorifous emination. Working out gives me gas, what can I say? This one I had been holding in for awhile. When he walked up to the window, I swear a green cloud enshrouded his face. He took a STEP back I swear it.
I told you my dad taught me well.
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