Weird? No, just seven.
April 20th 2007 22:07
Today, we had a field trip, and being the good mom I try to be, I went. I'll admit I dreaded it. Kids, even though I have two of my own, annoy me. I'm not a kid person, although I love my kids to death. So, to go and be SURROUNED by children that were not my onw, honestly scared the beJesus out me. They like whine and ask for things, becuase you're always stuck with some kid that parents couldn't make it to the field trip.
Anyway, within minutes, we're in a noisy school bus, and it was then that I realized my child, Aislinn is completely normal. You would not know how much this comforts me.
For years, Aislinn has been a fireball. Sassy, bad attitude, defiant, and in my opinion weird. She would get so angry, she'd throw things starting at the age of three. I thought for sure Tony and I were given the wrong chilld, besides the fact that she looks like BOTH of us. When in the hospital I tried to breastfeed for the first time, she got really angry. She was hungry, I have massive jangas to begin with, and having them engorged with milk made them even bigger. I couldn't see her HEAD for God's sake. She got so angry, she TWISTED her body into a semi sitting position, GRABBED my boob with two, tightly clenched newborn fists, and tried to BITE the milk out of me. I'm not kidding. Ask my mom, she was there, and as freaked out by it as I was.
After years of fighting constantly with her, both of us crying, screaming and all aroudn not liking each other, I was diagnosed with depression. I finally took it upon myself after 10 years to realize I had a problem that I couldn't fix on my own. I tried everything, seeing medicine as a cop out, the easy way to get through life. I couldn't handle life anymore, and I didn't want to kill myself, but I often dreamt of running away. Just leaving my kids and husband behind to live alone, and not screw up anyone anymore.
Amazingly, after starting meds, I become a very patient person with Aislinn. Of course, she wsa still in full anger mode, since that's how I had conditioned her to be with my own anger. We worked through it, and she has become an amazing child. Sure, we still have issues. Her refusal to wear socks for one. It could be dead ass winter, and she'll wear her snow boots... sans socks. I jsut can't get her past the bumps she finds so irritating, and no matter what kind of sock I buy, she weeps at the thought of wearing them. I could buy her hand made socks from Peru, with each seam sown lovingly by a widowed woman by the light of a candle, and she'd still freak over the socks. I've just said fuck it, and now she's happy. Her feet smell like a bag of hot corn chips, but at least she's now getting to school on time without crying.
Today, as I watched her acting completely spazzy with her little friends I realized ALL first graders... are weird. They talk about silly things, they eat weird stuff, and they all talk REALLY REALLY loudly. I had all my fears laid to rest today that maybe she was weird, but she's just seven.
Being "normal" for both she and I has been a blessing. We are now great friends. Last year (before meds) she didn't want me to go to her field trip, and she definitly didn'twant to be in my group, which broke my heart in a million pieces. Looking back, I see why she felt that way. I was always surly and angry. She knew I'd ride her ass, and not allow her to be herself in front of her friends. This time, she said to me "I can't wait until I see you at school first thing in the morning!!" On the way back from the zoo, she chose to sit with me, and snuggled me all the way home, both of us dozing during the long ride home.
Anyway, within minutes, we're in a noisy school bus, and it was then that I realized my child, Aislinn is completely normal. You would not know how much this comforts me.
For years, Aislinn has been a fireball. Sassy, bad attitude, defiant, and in my opinion weird. She would get so angry, she'd throw things starting at the age of three. I thought for sure Tony and I were given the wrong chilld, besides the fact that she looks like BOTH of us. When in the hospital I tried to breastfeed for the first time, she got really angry. She was hungry, I have massive jangas to begin with, and having them engorged with milk made them even bigger. I couldn't see her HEAD for God's sake. She got so angry, she TWISTED her body into a semi sitting position, GRABBED my boob with two, tightly clenched newborn fists, and tried to BITE the milk out of me. I'm not kidding. Ask my mom, she was there, and as freaked out by it as I was.
After years of fighting constantly with her, both of us crying, screaming and all aroudn not liking each other, I was diagnosed with depression. I finally took it upon myself after 10 years to realize I had a problem that I couldn't fix on my own. I tried everything, seeing medicine as a cop out, the easy way to get through life. I couldn't handle life anymore, and I didn't want to kill myself, but I often dreamt of running away. Just leaving my kids and husband behind to live alone, and not screw up anyone anymore.
Amazingly, after starting meds, I become a very patient person with Aislinn. Of course, she wsa still in full anger mode, since that's how I had conditioned her to be with my own anger. We worked through it, and she has become an amazing child. Sure, we still have issues. Her refusal to wear socks for one. It could be dead ass winter, and she'll wear her snow boots... sans socks. I jsut can't get her past the bumps she finds so irritating, and no matter what kind of sock I buy, she weeps at the thought of wearing them. I could buy her hand made socks from Peru, with each seam sown lovingly by a widowed woman by the light of a candle, and she'd still freak over the socks. I've just said fuck it, and now she's happy. Her feet smell like a bag of hot corn chips, but at least she's now getting to school on time without crying.
Today, as I watched her acting completely spazzy with her little friends I realized ALL first graders... are weird. They talk about silly things, they eat weird stuff, and they all talk REALLY REALLY loudly. I had all my fears laid to rest today that maybe she was weird, but she's just seven.
Being "normal" for both she and I has been a blessing. We are now great friends. Last year (before meds) she didn't want me to go to her field trip, and she definitly didn'twant to be in my group, which broke my heart in a million pieces. Looking back, I see why she felt that way. I was always surly and angry. She knew I'd ride her ass, and not allow her to be herself in front of her friends. This time, she said to me "I can't wait until I see you at school first thing in the morning!!" On the way back from the zoo, she chose to sit with me, and snuggled me all the way home, both of us dozing during the long ride home.
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Summer Banks
Romance Writers
Comment by David
Your posts are just fantastic reads for a multitude of reasons ...
I won't go into them all ... (humour is always a big winner with me, for starters ... being real, another one, being able to tell heart-warming stories, another) ...
If I had to pick one thing that appeals even more, though? It would be the ability to transform ordinary daily life into something extrordiany through story telling ...
In real life? If I meet someone? I want to hear about his/her life... not what's going on in the media, or the world, or global issues ... (I don't mind small doses of those things... but in the main, I'm more interested in the person themselves and what's happening in his/her life ...
And you take me there ... (like into your world ... [It's not the easiest thing to do writing ... [as in, bring the reader into the action as if they were experiencing it themselves, but you do it ...
I'd write more, but I have to go to the street ... (that's my contribution to ordinary daily life writing over for another day ... *
I love your posts ..
David ...
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Love the honesty, love the courage and I love the credit you give yourself.
It might seem self serving but it's a great feeling to look at your kids and giving yourself a pat on the back and say "I had a hand in that".
Reading your posts, your life does seem chaotic at times, but at least you are checked in to what is going on around you.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Nickoftime's Sanity Corner
great post..you can feel the love and warmth you have towards your family and it warms the heart...and there's nothing wrong with giving yourself a pat on the back when you can see the resukts of all of your hard work come to light!
Great post!
Take care,
Nick
Comment by charliesgirl_992000
Histeries, Mysteries and what not
Lifes little slices
Mystical Creativity
i LOVE your daughters name. "Glad you got the help you and your family needed and are now free.
Tammy