The Splintered Family.
October 16th 2006 00:55
The title of my entry actual comes from my dad. He said once he'd like to write a book called The Splintered Family, and then write about his family, or I guess I should say, our family. Our family is truly a splintered family. and never did it show more until yesterday.
My cousin got married yesterday. It was yesterday, I saw the splintered family in action.
When we entered the church, my sister and I immediately went downstairs to see the bride. We offered her our good lucks and well wishes, and came back upstairs. I was confused to see my family sitting in the back of the church. Family usually sits up front. I sit down, and turn to my mother, and ask why we're sitting WAY back here. She said she wanted to sit up front, but Correen (my youngest sister) sat down there, so she just sat down. I made everyone move. We head up to the front. The first pew of course was for parents, and we were ok to sit in the 2nd pew. Instead we filed in the 5th pew. Even though we were family, we didn't feel family enough to sit up front. The inlaws of the bride's sister sat in FRONT of us in the church.
As the ceremony started and went along, I looked over at the grooms side. All his family were crammed into the first 4 pews, while we were all scattered, and our side had huge gaps.
This saddened me. This has been the way of our family for as long as I can remember. There were a few years when I was a small child, that my dad and his siblings got along great. This was when my Nana was living in Germany with her new husband at the time. That would be Papa Fred, who we ALL adore very much. We used to all go to each others birthday parties, and we did have a few holidays together. Me, Chrissy (the Bride) and Katie (her sister) could be found together a lot, and I was either over at their house, or they at mine. Our dads played ball together, and my aunt came and watched (the other Aunt lived in Louisiana) and we would go and watch my Aunt play on HER team.
When my Nana came back, that all changed. All of a sudden, sibling was pitted against sibling. Hurt over attention givien to certain grandchildren caused rifts.
As time wore on, our family grew further and further apart. Our holidays were just for the four of us (and as we got older, our husbands and boyfriends) unwrapping presents and eating dinner with our small family. Sometimes my uncle would show, and bring one of his girls. Me and whatever girl was there would make promises to keep in touch that we never kept.
We'd hear through the grapevine that so and so was getting divorced, that so and so's daughter was in trouble, that so and so's son was in financial trouble. My grandmother was usually the messenger, and she lives for it. She has somehow gotten all her children to not speak to one another, and then she gleefully reports the news to us about each. My uncle doesn't speak to my Nana at all anymore becuase of this. She convinced my aunts to threaten my dad and uncle with a lawsuit over some money their father's wife gave them. That, as you can imagine has caused a lot of tension.
Once, my Nana sat in my parents living room, and looked at all of us. Mom, Dad, me, my sisters, my children, and our spouses and said "Look at this. I created this" I wanted to scream "Where's everyone else? You've created nothing but a broken family!" My Nana has this overblown sense of worldliness. She acts as if she is so much better than everyone else. She is an uneducated women who can't even drive a car, but because she lived in Germany for four years, she's "wordly" How you can be worldly and be unable to drive yourself to the Piggly Wiggly is beyond me. That's why she chooses to live in small, rural towns. In those towns, she does seem glamorous and worldy. In other words, my grandmother loves being the Big Fish in a small pond, and instead of a small fish in a big pond.
For many years, I was a favorite grandchild, and I reveled in my position. I loved my NAna above all others. As I got older, and saw for myself how she likes to hurt people, I have backed down. She is one of those people who love to make a fun situation turn sour. Like telling my uncle in the buffet line last night that his sister was in the hospital for a mental breakdown, or when my husband playfully put his arm around her and told her she was the prettiest girl in the room she replies "Oh aren't you sweet. Although, I heard you were a bit of a liar" I heard that between the wedding and the reception, my Nana methodically tore apart each member of my uncles family.
I used to think that as an older women she had a right to say what she wanted, but she just kept getting more mean in her comments, and I could no longer defend her. When at my sisters graduation, she felt I had given her the cold shoulder (which, ok I kind of did, because she told my mom some things I wish she hadn't) she marched up to me while we were taking pictures and proceeded to tell me how I was being mean to her, and how she loved me when no one else did, including my parents. I just got fed up, and said "Way to ruin a good time Nana, this is SO typical of you" and walked off. I think I'm the only one who's ever stood up to her in that fashion.
It's sad to think that one person's death will release a whole family's hurt, but I can't help to think that about the death of my Nana. I don't wish her death at all, don't get me wrong, but I think that is what it's going to take to pull this family togehter. She's a tough old bird, and will probably hang on for a few more years. I just hope that she realizes what she is doing to her family and tries to make it right before it's to late.
My cousin got married yesterday. It was yesterday, I saw the splintered family in action.
When we entered the church, my sister and I immediately went downstairs to see the bride. We offered her our good lucks and well wishes, and came back upstairs. I was confused to see my family sitting in the back of the church. Family usually sits up front. I sit down, and turn to my mother, and ask why we're sitting WAY back here. She said she wanted to sit up front, but Correen (my youngest sister) sat down there, so she just sat down. I made everyone move. We head up to the front. The first pew of course was for parents, and we were ok to sit in the 2nd pew. Instead we filed in the 5th pew. Even though we were family, we didn't feel family enough to sit up front. The inlaws of the bride's sister sat in FRONT of us in the church.
As the ceremony started and went along, I looked over at the grooms side. All his family were crammed into the first 4 pews, while we were all scattered, and our side had huge gaps.
This saddened me. This has been the way of our family for as long as I can remember. There were a few years when I was a small child, that my dad and his siblings got along great. This was when my Nana was living in Germany with her new husband at the time. That would be Papa Fred, who we ALL adore very much. We used to all go to each others birthday parties, and we did have a few holidays together. Me, Chrissy (the Bride) and Katie (her sister) could be found together a lot, and I was either over at their house, or they at mine. Our dads played ball together, and my aunt came and watched (the other Aunt lived in Louisiana) and we would go and watch my Aunt play on HER team.
When my Nana came back, that all changed. All of a sudden, sibling was pitted against sibling. Hurt over attention givien to certain grandchildren caused rifts.
As time wore on, our family grew further and further apart. Our holidays were just for the four of us (and as we got older, our husbands and boyfriends) unwrapping presents and eating dinner with our small family. Sometimes my uncle would show, and bring one of his girls. Me and whatever girl was there would make promises to keep in touch that we never kept.
We'd hear through the grapevine that so and so was getting divorced, that so and so's daughter was in trouble, that so and so's son was in financial trouble. My grandmother was usually the messenger, and she lives for it. She has somehow gotten all her children to not speak to one another, and then she gleefully reports the news to us about each. My uncle doesn't speak to my Nana at all anymore becuase of this. She convinced my aunts to threaten my dad and uncle with a lawsuit over some money their father's wife gave them. That, as you can imagine has caused a lot of tension.
Once, my Nana sat in my parents living room, and looked at all of us. Mom, Dad, me, my sisters, my children, and our spouses and said "Look at this. I created this" I wanted to scream "Where's everyone else? You've created nothing but a broken family!" My Nana has this overblown sense of worldliness. She acts as if she is so much better than everyone else. She is an uneducated women who can't even drive a car, but because she lived in Germany for four years, she's "wordly" How you can be worldly and be unable to drive yourself to the Piggly Wiggly is beyond me. That's why she chooses to live in small, rural towns. In those towns, she does seem glamorous and worldy. In other words, my grandmother loves being the Big Fish in a small pond, and instead of a small fish in a big pond.
For many years, I was a favorite grandchild, and I reveled in my position. I loved my NAna above all others. As I got older, and saw for myself how she likes to hurt people, I have backed down. She is one of those people who love to make a fun situation turn sour. Like telling my uncle in the buffet line last night that his sister was in the hospital for a mental breakdown, or when my husband playfully put his arm around her and told her she was the prettiest girl in the room she replies "Oh aren't you sweet. Although, I heard you were a bit of a liar" I heard that between the wedding and the reception, my Nana methodically tore apart each member of my uncles family.
I used to think that as an older women she had a right to say what she wanted, but she just kept getting more mean in her comments, and I could no longer defend her. When at my sisters graduation, she felt I had given her the cold shoulder (which, ok I kind of did, because she told my mom some things I wish she hadn't) she marched up to me while we were taking pictures and proceeded to tell me how I was being mean to her, and how she loved me when no one else did, including my parents. I just got fed up, and said "Way to ruin a good time Nana, this is SO typical of you" and walked off. I think I'm the only one who's ever stood up to her in that fashion.
It's sad to think that one person's death will release a whole family's hurt, but I can't help to think that about the death of my Nana. I don't wish her death at all, don't get me wrong, but I think that is what it's going to take to pull this family togehter. She's a tough old bird, and will probably hang on for a few more years. I just hope that she realizes what she is doing to her family and tries to make it right before it's to late.
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Summer Banks
Romance Writers
