Give me normal any day.
November 16th 2006 04:05
Tomorrow is my birthday. I'll be the BIG 3-0 I guess some would expect me to wax poetic about how life is nothing more than a fleeting hummingbird flitting through the flowers of life. My thought on the whole turning thirty thing is....
Eh. Whatever.
I don't feel stressed, or different,nor am I suffering from a mid life crisis. I sometimes take a look around at my life and think "I can't believe I am an ADULT" I don't feel like one, even while sitting in my cat pajamas, with a stinky kid screaming next to me, while I pay my bills online. Even when I hear the word "Mom" a thousand times a day, even when I am sitting there trying not to fall asleep while my daughter does her homework.
For a long, long time I struggled with what I was meant to do with my life. I've never been to college, and never really knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I felt that maybe I hadn't actually grown up yet. I did what I thought I was supposed to, got married, had some kids. I was so discontent though, unhappy.
Lately though, life has been really, really good. I know people get tired about hearing about my depressio! (I see you rolling your eyes! Stop that!) but, getting that diagnosis has been the BEST thing that has happened to me. The BEST, better than getting married, and having my kids/ Why? Because now that I know, and have help, it has colored my life with the rosiest hue. Everything is spectacular, and not in a doped up, LSD way, but in a completely, and utterly normal way.
For my 30th birthday I got the best gift. Normality.
For those of you that feel normal, you'll never understand. For a long time, my depression was normal. So normal that it was me, my personality, my whole self. It was just the way I was. Now that I am better, I have improved my relationships with everyone around me. My daughter and I are mending what was broken, my husband and I are more in love than ever.
Now, that I feel normal, I realize being a stay at home mom is what I was meant to do. For you working women out there, you may not get this. You may even think "Well duh, you're uneducated what else are you going to do". It's hard to explain. I just enjoy it more now than ever. No amount of money can replace hearing my son sing "I like to move it, move it" at the grocery store today. There isn't a promotion in the world that replace seeing my daughers grin when she notices me after school for the first time.
I'm going to take this precious gift and cherish it always. Because, unfortunatly life IS like that hummingbird, and it will go very quickly.
Eh. Whatever.
I don't feel stressed, or different,nor am I suffering from a mid life crisis. I sometimes take a look around at my life and think "I can't believe I am an ADULT" I don't feel like one, even while sitting in my cat pajamas, with a stinky kid screaming next to me, while I pay my bills online. Even when I hear the word "Mom" a thousand times a day, even when I am sitting there trying not to fall asleep while my daughter does her homework.
For a long, long time I struggled with what I was meant to do with my life. I've never been to college, and never really knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I felt that maybe I hadn't actually grown up yet. I did what I thought I was supposed to, got married, had some kids. I was so discontent though, unhappy.
Lately though, life has been really, really good. I know people get tired about hearing about my depressio! (I see you rolling your eyes! Stop that!) but, getting that diagnosis has been the BEST thing that has happened to me. The BEST, better than getting married, and having my kids/ Why? Because now that I know, and have help, it has colored my life with the rosiest hue. Everything is spectacular, and not in a doped up, LSD way, but in a completely, and utterly normal way.
For my 30th birthday I got the best gift. Normality.
For those of you that feel normal, you'll never understand. For a long time, my depression was normal. So normal that it was me, my personality, my whole self. It was just the way I was. Now that I am better, I have improved my relationships with everyone around me. My daughter and I are mending what was broken, my husband and I are more in love than ever.
Now, that I feel normal, I realize being a stay at home mom is what I was meant to do. For you working women out there, you may not get this. You may even think "Well duh, you're uneducated what else are you going to do". It's hard to explain. I just enjoy it more now than ever. No amount of money can replace hearing my son sing "I like to move it, move it" at the grocery store today. There isn't a promotion in the world that replace seeing my daughers grin when she notices me after school for the first time.
I'm going to take this precious gift and cherish it always. Because, unfortunatly life IS like that hummingbird, and it will go very quickly.
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Al Brunswick
Romance Writers
Comment by Little Angry Doll
Falling Haiku Leaf
Say it with me!
(And we're big King Julian fans here too!)
Comment by Deorre
Stress Alive
Man Lessons
Aight?
Comment by Anonymous
Tracie
Comment by Anne MJS
The line about seeing A grin when she spots you afterschool brought tears to my eyes - the very rare times that I've been able to do it I've gotten the same "grin" and it melts my heart every time - I wish it were every day!!
And, normal is GOOD!!
Comment by Ali in Melbourne
I found your blog online while searching for info on my furious sims (really, don't ask) and have become an instant fan.
I feel like I'm reading something that I've written myself. Only my b'day was the 5th Nov, I turned 24, I'm getting married next year and I don't have children (I do have a fur-baby though and I love it when she notices me when I get home from work)
Anyway, my point is I've never felt normal either. I didn't go to college and I don't feel like an adult! I don't feel like I've gotten any older since I was 16. Maybe a little worldlier, but no older. I haven't dealt with my depression yet either. But you have just inspired me to do something about it. I don't want to feel like this for another year, and I don't want to damage what I have with my partner, so I'm going to fix it before it happens.
So... Sandi... Thankyou