Cosmo doesn't know jack about real life.
October 20th 2006 19:16
As women we are required by nature to read magazines like Cosmo and Glamour and then hate ourselves for not being the perfect Cosmo Girl or Glamour Gal. It used to be just about the clothes. You'd look at those $200 dollar tops, and $900 pants and wish you could afford them,even though if you COULD afford them, you couldn't wear them because you're not a double negative size 00. Sometimes, you would get a copy that would say "100 clothing bargains of the season" and you'd excitedly rip the plastic off, and thumb through the pages. What? I can look like a Cosmo Girl or a Glamour Gal on my budget? Sweet!! Then you get the article and it's STILL way out of your budget. I don't know about you, but I have a hard time buying a $20 top, so, excuse me if I don't run out and jump on a $60 top becuase it's a fashion "steal". Actually, the only way I could afford it is if I stole it.
Now there is another reason to hate ourselves from Glamour and Cosmo. Something you don't notice until you have children, and you're, you know, LIVING A FUCKING LIFE. They make you feel bad about not being the SEX GODDESS you should be. You know all those articles they have, the titles screaming at you from the check out line. "WE'RE HAVING BETTER SEX THAN YOU!!!" or "ORGASMS! WE HAVE THEM! YOU DON'T! YOU SUCK!" or "WE LOVE GIVING BLOW JOBS! AS A MATTER OF FACT, I JUST BLEW YOUR HUSBAND, BECAUSE YOU WON'T!!"
Sometimes just reading the titles makes you feel bad about yourself, as you stand in line, wearing the pj bottoms that can pass for yoga pants, a ratty tshirt, covered by your fleece hoody, and flip flops and socks. You got a kid who won't sit down in the fucking car cart, and you're wondering if you can afford all of your groceries. Like you need another God damned thing telling you how much you suck. Yet, yet! You feel compelled to check it out. You buy it, you take it home, and you try it out.
I've had two instances recently, where I tried to to be a good little Cosmo Whore, and it blew up in my face. The first one, I bought some sexy lingerie, I actually made my bed, lit candles, put make up on, jewelry, and positioned myself just so on the bed.
First of all, the candles were these scented votives I was guilted into buying at a candle party. They were Mojito scented. It was these or tea lights, so I didn't have a choice. I'm sure Cosmo would recommend always having a few three wicks in your man's favorite scent handy at all times, but this is about how much I SUCK so, of course I didn't have any. Since the candles were so small, I had to use 12 of them. The smell was so strong, I got a bit of a headache. My bedroom STILL smells like the candles and I did this two weeks ago.
Next, it was cold as HELL. So, I was laying there, and freezing, and getting tired. Tony had homework. I waited, and waited, and waited. I didn't want to mess up the bed, and I didn't want him to walk in and see me under the blankets. I grabbed a small throw and snuggled under it, planning to fling it off before he came into the room. Of course, I fell asleep. Cosmo would be so disappointed I'm sure. I luckily woke up before he opened the door, but I laid there for over AN HOUR!! Cold, tired, and nauseous.
Yesterday, I decided to be "flirty" all day to get my man amped up for that night. Again, Cosmo does NOT factor in real life. I called him at work, and talked dirty to him, then when he came home for parent teacher conferences, I was a little naughty, did a little dance. Cosmo would have been proud.
I can't help it if the kids were being total whiny poo poo's. I also can't help it that it was the last night of the National League Championships to see who would make it to the World Series and our hometown heroes were playing. I also can't help it, that life in general got in the way.
So, last night... WAY LATE I have a horny as hell husband, and all I want to do is go to sleep. A lot can happen in just a few short hours that can change everything. We ended up not having "MINDBLOWING SEX TO MAKE YOUR MAN GO WILD" but, I got a good nights rest.
I had to call this morning and apologize. Luckily my husband is very understanding, and knows that with both kids home with me all day for two extra days, I'm going a bit crazy.
Cosmo can go screw themselves. Maybe they can make an article about it. I can see the headline now "TEN WAYS WE FUCKED OURSELVES! YOU CAN LEARN HOW TOO!" You know what? I would end up buying it.
Now there is another reason to hate ourselves from Glamour and Cosmo. Something you don't notice until you have children, and you're, you know, LIVING A FUCKING LIFE. They make you feel bad about not being the SEX GODDESS you should be. You know all those articles they have, the titles screaming at you from the check out line. "WE'RE HAVING BETTER SEX THAN YOU!!!" or "ORGASMS! WE HAVE THEM! YOU DON'T! YOU SUCK!" or "WE LOVE GIVING BLOW JOBS! AS A MATTER OF FACT, I JUST BLEW YOUR HUSBAND, BECAUSE YOU WON'T!!"
Sometimes just reading the titles makes you feel bad about yourself, as you stand in line, wearing the pj bottoms that can pass for yoga pants, a ratty tshirt, covered by your fleece hoody, and flip flops and socks. You got a kid who won't sit down in the fucking car cart, and you're wondering if you can afford all of your groceries. Like you need another God damned thing telling you how much you suck. Yet, yet! You feel compelled to check it out. You buy it, you take it home, and you try it out.
I've had two instances recently, where I tried to to be a good little Cosmo Whore, and it blew up in my face. The first one, I bought some sexy lingerie, I actually made my bed, lit candles, put make up on, jewelry, and positioned myself just so on the bed.
First of all, the candles were these scented votives I was guilted into buying at a candle party. They were Mojito scented. It was these or tea lights, so I didn't have a choice. I'm sure Cosmo would recommend always having a few three wicks in your man's favorite scent handy at all times, but this is about how much I SUCK so, of course I didn't have any. Since the candles were so small, I had to use 12 of them. The smell was so strong, I got a bit of a headache. My bedroom STILL smells like the candles and I did this two weeks ago.
Next, it was cold as HELL. So, I was laying there, and freezing, and getting tired. Tony had homework. I waited, and waited, and waited. I didn't want to mess up the bed, and I didn't want him to walk in and see me under the blankets. I grabbed a small throw and snuggled under it, planning to fling it off before he came into the room. Of course, I fell asleep. Cosmo would be so disappointed I'm sure. I luckily woke up before he opened the door, but I laid there for over AN HOUR!! Cold, tired, and nauseous.
Yesterday, I decided to be "flirty" all day to get my man amped up for that night. Again, Cosmo does NOT factor in real life. I called him at work, and talked dirty to him, then when he came home for parent teacher conferences, I was a little naughty, did a little dance. Cosmo would have been proud.
I can't help it if the kids were being total whiny poo poo's. I also can't help it that it was the last night of the National League Championships to see who would make it to the World Series and our hometown heroes were playing. I also can't help it, that life in general got in the way.
So, last night... WAY LATE I have a horny as hell husband, and all I want to do is go to sleep. A lot can happen in just a few short hours that can change everything. We ended up not having "MINDBLOWING SEX TO MAKE YOUR MAN GO WILD" but, I got a good nights rest.
I had to call this morning and apologize. Luckily my husband is very understanding, and knows that with both kids home with me all day for two extra days, I'm going a bit crazy.
Cosmo can go screw themselves. Maybe they can make an article about it. I can see the headline now "TEN WAYS WE FUCKED OURSELVES! YOU CAN LEARN HOW TOO!" You know what? I would end up buying it.
| 73 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
Summer Banks
Romance Writers
Comment by Anonymous
~Jenn
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
way only is a mystery to me, why don't you come on over to my site and escape some of the misery
by joining in a little mystery.
Audience participation is not required, there's just something there for you to think about.
katyzzz!
Comment by Anonymous
Thanks for the offer and I'll definitly check your blog out!