Call me Mr. CrazyTrain
February 21st 2007 01:57
My children have been taken from me. Taken away, spirited off into a world where trains, and trucks are surly,whiny little bastards,and are reprimanded by tiny people with no mouths, and who don't move much at all. Where the trains and trucks have oddly rotating eyes, and speak in queer British accents. Where everything is explained in excrutiating detail by George Carlin, who is also pushing the queer British accent. You know the one, the kind that sounds all floofy and airy. If it was cockney, that would be awesome, but it's not. It's very.... Madonna.
What is it I am referring to? Who has stolen my childrens souls?
First, I need you to imagine the REE REE REE REE music from those horror movies. Excuse me if I can't remember which one it was. Psycho? Ok, now either pick up your laptop, or get real close to your pc screen. Move your head back and forth, forward and back forward and back, so we may get the ambience right.
Hang on, and now try to scroll down, don't forget the REE REE REE music, we're going for ambience here bitches, quite complaining. You know you bitches are used to bobbing your heads back and forth!!
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Yes Thomas the Fucking Tank Train.
Lord how I deplore this show. There is nothing GOOD about this show. First or all, they're all about racism. They love to keep each type of train or car seperate. I hear "I shan't be nice to Mavis for she is nothing more than a COAL car" To me, that just smacks of racism. What's worse is MAvis is all "Right away mr. Bossman suh, please don't whip me!" What kind of show is this?
My kids sit, transvixed for HOURS watching it over and over. These little whiny ass trains, with their never ending whining, and bitching. Did I mention yet that they FUCKING WHINE. I swear to GOD if these trains were my kids, they would get beatings all round.
Also, they allow HUMANS to boss them around. The humans are all "You're an incoragible little engine" If I was a fucking train I'd be like "WEll FUCK YOU SIR ASSHAT! That's what your wife said last night when I rammed into her tunnel over and over, you ass hole." Then I would run over him, and kill him, enjoying the feel of my solid steel body crushing his mortal flesh. Yelling over and over again "I'm a FUCKING TALKIKNG TRAIN DICKWAD! RESPECT DAT!"
What is it I am referring to? Who has stolen my childrens souls?
First, I need you to imagine the REE REE REE REE music from those horror movies. Excuse me if I can't remember which one it was. Psycho? Ok, now either pick up your laptop, or get real close to your pc screen. Move your head back and forth, forward and back forward and back, so we may get the ambience right.
Hang on, and now try to scroll down, don't forget the REE REE REE music, we're going for ambience here bitches, quite complaining. You know you bitches are used to bobbing your heads back and forth!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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Poor Sir. Topham Hatt. He never saw it coming.
Yes Thomas the Fucking Tank Train.
Lord how I deplore this show. There is nothing GOOD about this show. First or all, they're all about racism. They love to keep each type of train or car seperate. I hear "I shan't be nice to Mavis for she is nothing more than a COAL car" To me, that just smacks of racism. What's worse is MAvis is all "Right away mr. Bossman suh, please don't whip me!" What kind of show is this?
My kids sit, transvixed for HOURS watching it over and over. These little whiny ass trains, with their never ending whining, and bitching. Did I mention yet that they FUCKING WHINE. I swear to GOD if these trains were my kids, they would get beatings all round.
Also, they allow HUMANS to boss them around. The humans are all "You're an incoragible little engine" If I was a fucking train I'd be like "WEll FUCK YOU SIR ASSHAT! That's what your wife said last night when I rammed into her tunnel over and over, you ass hole." Then I would run over him, and kill him, enjoying the feel of my solid steel body crushing his mortal flesh. Yelling over and over again "I'm a FUCKING TALKIKNG TRAIN DICKWAD! RESPECT DAT!"
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Summer Banks
Romance Writers
Comment by Anonymous
Sir Topham hat is an asshole.
-t.c.
Comment by Anonymous
~C.
Comment by Anne MJS
B also is under the evil spell of Thomas, we have the trains, the tracks, the backpack... so, he got a video for his b-day last year and we popped it in for some innocent fun (jaw drop here!) we sat there watching and during a "Thomas Sing Along" we see a montage of trains running off the tracks, crashing into each other, being run over by giant boulders, crashing into water towers (which I believe went on to flood and wipe out the entire island of Sodor) and the big finale??... a train crashing into a building then EXPLODING into flames!! It was all played to some terrible song about trains that are bad or bad things happen or some such song (that I bet if you played it backwards would say "Paul is Dead" Believe me, we (the adults) were LOA's off... and rewound it quite a few times just for a giggle... but then the parent in us took hold and we wondered what sick MF-er writes those scripts!! ???
Comment by Wendi
He also called Pepe Le Pew a rapist. *LOL*
I am so glad my kids have out-grown shows like Barney and the stupid Wiggles.
Comment by Sandi