30th birthday confession.
November 16th 2006 19:49
I have a confession. I am a bad friend. I don't call people, or keep in touch like I should, I never send birthday, Easter, Halloween cards, although I do send Christmas cards. I can't even drop an email to say hey what's up. Even if I've been thinking of someone, and they call, I rarely answer. The other day was my best friends birthday. His birthday is a measly THREE days before mine, and I forgot to call him to wish him Happy Birthday.
I realize that friendships need nurturing. I've allowed the few friendships I have dwindle to almost nothing. I convince myself that it's because I'm tired of this one always complaining about her life, or that one is just to competitive, or the other one is just so boring. What it boils down to though really is that I am a selfish person. I'm not even saying that in a self loathing way. It's the truth. I don't have enough time, patience or need to nurture friendships in this point in my life. I have a husband and two kids. I have my mom, dad, sister all within 5 miles of me, and another whp's off at college just 25 miles away. I don't even see THEM that often. I like MY house, and sitting in MY underwear, watching MY tv, and being with MY family.
For the longest time (re: before meds) I thought I was unlikeable. That I didn't have friends becuase no one wanted to BE my friend. I realize now it was because I'm a bad friend. When I do come around, I'm usually put out that the other person actually wants to talk about THEIR life. How dare they? The world revolves around ME damn it!
I have group of women that I chat with frequently online. I love every single one of them. I wonder though, do I love them becuase there aren't as many strings attatched. Would I be a bad friend to them if they were real life and knocking on my door, wine bottle in hand? I don't know. I try not think about that, as I'd like to think I WOULD nurture those friendships. It's true, online friendships are easier than real life ones (Just a note... I hate using the term "real life" when discussing people I see in person, or don't see. It makes my online friends seem "fake" as if they aren't real. I have yet to think of a better phrase though) If something someone says makes you mad (although this has not happend with my girls) you just turn your IM off for a few days until it blows over. There's no risk of running into them at the Piggley Wiggley dairy case.
So, there. On my 30th birthday, as I sit alone, in my coffee pants, waiting for my family to get off of work so I can have my fun, I am admitting to the world (or ok, the 7 people that read) I AM A SHITTY FRIEND!! That's why I don't have any, and that's why I have no fun plans for today. Am I upset about it? Not really. I don't know which is sadder, the fact that I don't have friends, or the fact that I don't really care. I know that sounds fake, but it's the truth. My life now is better than it has EVER been.
I realize that friendships need nurturing. I've allowed the few friendships I have dwindle to almost nothing. I convince myself that it's because I'm tired of this one always complaining about her life, or that one is just to competitive, or the other one is just so boring. What it boils down to though really is that I am a selfish person. I'm not even saying that in a self loathing way. It's the truth. I don't have enough time, patience or need to nurture friendships in this point in my life. I have a husband and two kids. I have my mom, dad, sister all within 5 miles of me, and another whp's off at college just 25 miles away. I don't even see THEM that often. I like MY house, and sitting in MY underwear, watching MY tv, and being with MY family.
For the longest time (re: before meds) I thought I was unlikeable. That I didn't have friends becuase no one wanted to BE my friend. I realize now it was because I'm a bad friend. When I do come around, I'm usually put out that the other person actually wants to talk about THEIR life. How dare they? The world revolves around ME damn it!
I have group of women that I chat with frequently online. I love every single one of them. I wonder though, do I love them becuase there aren't as many strings attatched. Would I be a bad friend to them if they were real life and knocking on my door, wine bottle in hand? I don't know. I try not think about that, as I'd like to think I WOULD nurture those friendships. It's true, online friendships are easier than real life ones (Just a note... I hate using the term "real life" when discussing people I see in person, or don't see. It makes my online friends seem "fake" as if they aren't real. I have yet to think of a better phrase though) If something someone says makes you mad (although this has not happend with my girls) you just turn your IM off for a few days until it blows over. There's no risk of running into them at the Piggley Wiggley dairy case.
So, there. On my 30th birthday, as I sit alone, in my coffee pants, waiting for my family to get off of work so I can have my fun, I am admitting to the world (or ok, the 7 people that read) I AM A SHITTY FRIEND!! That's why I don't have any, and that's why I have no fun plans for today. Am I upset about it? Not really. I don't know which is sadder, the fact that I don't have friends, or the fact that I don't really care. I know that sounds fake, but it's the truth. My life now is better than it has EVER been.
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Summer Banks
Romance Writers
Comment by Anonymous
-your fake online friend,
Teri
Comment by Violet
Happy Birthday!
Comment by ChristieNY
I can totally understand your post. I prefer my friendships with friends that are less maintenance, such as yourself, as well.
I think you're a smart chica with your priorities where you want em. Hugs!
Comment by Anonymous
Shari